| I
don't know why you do what you do!
They tell me roses are red and violets are blue
But no-one can explain why you do what you do
You visited the marina and with the broker you shared
a glass of Merlot
You started thinking – “what I need, is
something bigger down below”
So hook line and sinker you swallowed the yacht brokers
spiel
Subconsciously you wanted a bigger appendage - what
you got was a bloody big keel
Absolutely focused you were, as you talked the talk
Only when you took possession you realised you had
to walk the walk,
But never mind, the wine and excitement had gone
to your head
You weren’t going to sit around and pine, no
– what we got instead
Was “I’ve got a great big keel boat,
come sail with me – come one come all”
“I’ve got a great big keel boat come sail
with me – everyone! Except the poor!”
”Come see my big keel boat” you were
heard saying to the young girl
“Maybe bring some girlfriends, and I’ll
sail you all around the world”
But no takers, no one to come and play
How the hell were you going to spend your Saturday
Alone in the harbour sipping a glass of ’85
shiraz, yes you love a drink or two
“I’ll approach the wine society - coz
they don’t know why they do what they do too”
Skiffers are asking “What is the sport you
play on that bloody big boat?”
“I don’t think it’s what we do,
for in sailing you do more than float”
We know you take it pretty serious, you’ll
do anything for success
You’ve thrown away the rule book, or probably
swapped it for a GPS
Yes, you take your racing seriously, you approach
the start with a maniacal determination
Apparently every single second counts! But then you
practice tarot card navigation!!
(“The Ace of Spades! Hmm… I think we
should tack!”)
“Never mind lads there’s no great rush,
the end result is not in contention”
“First place will fall our way, thanks to our
yardstick invention”
You’ve every technological advantage, electronic
readouts on wind, depth and speed
Still you’re not winning, what else do you bloody
need?
Occasionally you pull out that big coloured thing
and then trouble, with your spinnaker set
“Damned stupid idea. I’ve spilt my ’93
Cabernet - my slacks are all wet”
As the skiffs over take, you call across “I
say, fast though your boat may be,
I think I’d rather have on board my wide screen
TV”.
So it seems like its technology vs. muscle, between
Keel boat and Skiff,
Unfortunately boys your technology is soft, ware,
our muscles are stiff
Skiffers! Wake up to the situation.
Wake up to their manipulation
How much more suffering and aggravation,
thrust upon our fun loving generation?
I for one am sick of their drunken theatrics
Time to put to bed this bunch of geriatrics
Relaxed during the season they were, but now the
handicap investigation
Some serious research may lead to keel boat eradication
It’s true that super fast speeding skiffs are
wet and boring slow keel boats are dry
But then some men love the danger and some run to
mummy and cry.
Skiff sailing is real sailing, wild raw and physical
When you get that skiff in the groove, it’s
actually quite spiritual
Skiffs are like a wild horse tamed with stamina and
a little bit of nous.
It’s very, very different to standing on a floating
house.
Keel boats are too comfortable with the cushions,
the BBQ, bimini and spray dodger
Come skiff sailing gents! Get your girlfriend wet
and you might crack a Rodger
Yes we are mystified why you do what you do
Coz while you are still finishing we’re enjoying
our BBQ
So guys if you ever get to that stage when your bank
account is ailing
Sell the barge! Remember ‘Life’s good.
Be happy. And Come SAILING!!
Matty Armstrong,
April 2006
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